10: Miracle on 34th Street
Christmas! ™
is now a really familiar product of the American consciousness, with many fine
brand features, including these:
1.
Hysterical shopping/mass consumption/credit
maximizing events, generally involving really inconvenient/unpleasant store
hours, mass hysteria and irrational behavior that spreads through the
population faster than fear of Ebola; limited product availability similar to
what you find during natural disasters; counter-intuitive use of the word
“Black” as an apparently attractive descriptor (rather than the accepted “Red
and Green” brand colors).
2.
New, strange dietary rules that require
seasoning everything from coffee and beer to milk shakes, pizza and burritos
with artificial flavorings mimicking a mix of cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg and
cloves, mysteriously labeled “pumpkin,” after a vegetable that doesn’t contain
those flavors and that is no longer sold in stores.
3.
A creative re-invention of a perennial political
theme known as “The War on Christmas” (no relation to “War of the Worlds”),
where use of the word “holidays” (derived from the phrase “holy days”) is
suddenly interpreted as an extreme form of religious blasphemy and some strange (apparently random) cultural
artifact (this year it is paper coffee cups) is used to demonstrate a fictional
political conspiracy and persecution apparently equivalent to genocide. This is generally fantastic in its extreme
use of imaginative inventiveness and popularity. HG Wells, eat your heart out.
4.
The seasonal emergence (starting in August, when
the summer heat has just slid past its maximum)
of 24/7 “Christmas Music” radio stations, a strange kind of auditory
mushroom bloom that features music about “joy” and “happiness,” that is always
in the minor key of dirges, sung by someone who seems to have finally drained
their liquor cabinet. If it’s in a major
key, it’s by the Beach Boys and it’s about how Santa likes girls in bikinis and
the Bop.
5.
The resurrection and re-broadcast of popular films
that were considered stale, stiff and
uninteresting when they were first released, now re-branded as “Kristmas
Klassics ™” and listened to/viewed with the kind of religious awe that people
used to reserve for the finger bones of saints. Generally, these iconic
artworks have very little to do with Christianity or religion (with the
exception of the new feast of “Christmikah”) but do often contain cryptic
references to ancient cultural artifacts like “horse-drawn sleighs,”
“chestnuts,” “parsons” and “winter.” These are usually broadcast in 24-hour
back-to-back repeats, so people whose sleep medications are ineffective have
something to “cheer up” their November nights.
This last item, in particular, is something that I would
like to talk about, in part as counterpoint to my last essay, which some of you
may have found, um, a wee bit negative and over-the-top depressing. I see the
Kristmas Klassics ™ feature of Christmas! ™ as a sign of hope. Yes, this too
is counter-intuitive, kind of the way the appearance of a worm-eating bird is a
counter-intuitive sign of the reduction of your heating bill: “when that red,
red robin comes a bob, bob, bobbin’ along.” (I recognize that this is a
cultural icon only meaningful to those born pre-Global Warming ™.)
In particular, I’m particularly fascinated by Christmas! ™
movies, which, like every Red-Blooded American ™ I look forward to sleeping in
front of each year. I’d like to point out that, in addition to their low
re-broadcasting fees, they share some interesting common characteristics. In
particular, I am struck by how, more than any other forms of entertainment
(besides cable TV and talk radio) they tend to be crammed with the kind of
social and political commentary that we don’t ordinarily think of as
“entertaining,” especially since most of it is so dated as to be really
“historical.”
One of the nice things about talking about these Christmas!
™ movies is that you, my fellow Red-Blooded Americans ™ have all seen them so
many times that I don’t have to worry much about you understanding my literary
references (as Paul Simon says: “you know exactly what I’m talking about”)…
though they are also a bit like The Pledge of Allegiance ™, in that you have
probably seen them so many times that you probably never bother to pay
conscious attention to what they are saying.
Correct me if I am wrong here, but I think the old movies
that most often wallpaper our TV screens this season are “Elf” (2003), “Home
Alone” (1990), “Scrooged” (1988), “A Christmas Story” (1983), “A Miracle on 34th
Street” (1947) and “It’s A Wonderful
Life” (1946). You may suggest others,
but I’d be surprised if you come up with any that have the re-play presence of
these. (Okay, maybe the Tim Allen “The Santa Claus” movies, but those are so
dumb/bad I can’t handle talking about them, and Jim Carrey’s Grinch is really
just a terrorist attack on Dr. Seuss.)
These Kristmas Klassics ™ are markedly different in tone and
content from the “old chestnut” movies that were on TV when I was a child
(never in 24-hour binge-a-thon format), though the last two (“Miracle” and
“Wonderful Life”) were out then and occasionally
shown. The movies that everyone played in the 1960’s were “White Christmas”
(1954), “Holiday Inn” (1942), “Meet Me
in St. Louis” (1944), and “Babes in Toyland” (1934), which were all pretty
purely “entertainments” without political commentary. (The Peanuts Christmas
Special was also often shown then, but that was a News Klassic ™ .) A possible
exception was “The Wizard of Oz” (1939),
which is definitely social/political (though in datedly obscure and allegorical
way) and was shown heavily at holiday time, though it’s not really a Christmas!
™ movie.
Not that the new Christmas! ™ movies are dry historical
documentaries and unentertaining – all contain famous comic actors and fair
amount of comedy, ranging from the fondly gentle kind, to the biting and
savagely sarcastic. But these are not
really comic movies. The four most recent ones -- “Elf” (2003), “Home Alone”
(1990), “Scrooged” (1988), “A Christmas Story” (1983) – all contain still
living stars, and each of these, generally speaking, is really a movie about
the problem of humans trying to survive in a creepy landscape of modern
narcissism and commercial meanness and brutality – a serious social theme, if
I’ve ever seen one. “Elf” (the most recent and the currently most-played)
manages to do this while being a semi-cartoon, surrealistic fantasy. I could
write a whole essay on this movie all by itself (I won’t), because it’s a movie
whose theme is almost identical to my own series of essays – the rampant
selfishness and narcissism dominant in modern America, and the self-delusional
world we have constructed to live in. It’s notable that the only nice, decent
people in the movie are either mythological constructs (Santa and the elves) or
Buddy, the main character, whose decency and sweetness seems over-the-top absurd and
fake in the larger context. Sorry to ruin the movie for you, but this is really
serious social commentary about the problem of modern solipsism under the
disguise of an absurdist comedy. It bites--savagely.
Santa in “A Christmas Story” – the hard reality behind our Christmas. |
Of course so does “Home Alone.” which is about selfishness
and narcissism in family life (it’s about a family so mean-spirited and ugly
that it has even affected the youngest child, who relishes having ditched his
near and dear ones at Christmas) and a surrounding world so empty and lawless
as to seem post-apocalyptic (the comically stupid but vicious burglars who want
to “brand” themselves). “Scrooged” is no kinder, being about the absurdly
selfish and cruel world of media and corporate culture. “A Christmas Story” is
perhaps a little “kinder and gentler” (the Clintonesque irony is intentional),
being a nostalgic flashback to the goofy landscape of early 60’s childhood, but
there, right beneath the surface is the same world of ferociously mean, ugly
people and a holiday season that is still all about, when you get down to it,
“getting the best toys.” Contemporary Kristmas Klassic! ™ movies are all about
how the problem of how “me, me, ME” leads us to “mean, mean, mean.”
The two older Kristmas Klassic! ™ movies are only slightly
different (though they are still both about the same personal themes) in that
their social message also has overtly political overtones. The most famous of
these, “It’s a Wonderful Life,” strikes me as particularly weird in its iconic
Christmas!™ popularity, given that it is really a film about the triumph of the
New Deal over the evil capitalistic forces of robber-barronism and fascism,
with an inspirational message that we all have to be upbeat in the face of
adversity and keep on fighting The Good Fight. For crisake, even heaven in this
movie has a paternalisitic government bureaucracy like the WPA and angels are a
kind of public servant social worker with military ranks!
Though the political background in this is extremely archaic
to contemporary audiences, its presence is actually why we still need to see
the movie repeatedly during The Season of Warm Holiday Feelings ™ -- it paints
a world that seems empty, sterile, and mechanical, even as we go tediously
through the commonplace details of George’s childhood, romance and adulthood
and yet… and yet… and yet… humanity
and personal joy blossom at the end of the movie. In many ways, this movie sets
the mold for all our subsequent Kristmas Klassic ™ films, with its grim descent into bleakness
and it’s improbable humanity-affirming “feel-good” turn at the end.
I say “improbable,” but what we are really talking about
here is stretching Coleridge’s “willing suspension of disbelief” (pardon me for
my English major litcrit reference) beyond breaking: we’re talking pure
miracle, folks. This brings me to my
personal favorite of all these movies, the 40’s genre comedy “Miracle on 34th
Street.” Though the movie has “miracle” in it’s very title, it’s a movie where
the whole concept of “miracle” is so matter-of-fact ridiculous as to be
declared legally insane – as it literally is in the movie. It takes place
inside the honestly rendered commercial machinery of Christmas (Macy’s
department store), which is, in turn, imbedded in the brutal merchantile/legal/political
machinery of modern life. The central character, Maureen O’Hara, is a divorcee single
mom (to the precociously beautiful Natalie Wood) and department store marketing
woman, who has turned pretty cynical and angry about anything and everything
that whiffs of bullshit, from men to Christmas. John Payne plays a decent
enough guy (though he’s a lawyer, of course) attracted to her va-va-voom, but
put off a bit by her difficult harshness. (In modern parlance, we would say the
lady is a bitch.) Yes, there is a real Santa in this movie, though he’s really
just a prim and fussy old guy (who has an immaculate beard and lives in an
upscale retirement home) who insists on professional Santa ethics, which keeps on getting him into troubles …
and then weirdly getting him out of them because of the ninja-like way his
wacky ideas short-circuit the normal workings of the commercial and political
world. He’s not a supernatural being but a genius management guru who
understands, in a zen way, the deeper
truths of life. . Only in the movie’s last seconds does reality flip and admit
the possibility of magic and miracle… which still seems so insane a reality as to leave the main actors stunned
and wide-eyed with denialist terror when they see it… and the audience flushed
red-hot with the emotional reversal: I
knew it was true! I knew it was true! I do believe, I do believe!
Because this then is what we really are looking for: the
miraculous possibility of life-affirming warmth and humanity (I’d say
“spiritual redemption,” but actually making this religious is more than most
people would be able to stomach) beyond all hope, against and despite the
contradictory “reality” of our disappointing real lives and our depressingly
brutal real world. This is why we have elevated these rather odd movies to cult
classics that we are willing to see again and again and again every year.
And this, I suspect, is why the Christmas! ™ season keeps
getting a little longer each year (along with the need for Trickle-Down ™
commercial prosperity), though it brings with it an increasingly ferocious
spending season that feels like a dangerous addiction with a really nasty
recurring hangover. We know it’s not rational, given what is going on with us,
but we desperately want to feel better. It’s in the words of this song by the
great American spiritual leader, Johnny Mathis:
For I've grown a little leaner,
Grown a little colder,
Grown a little sadder,
Grown a little older,
And I need a little angel
Sitting on my shoulder,
Need a little Christmas now.
It’s unlikely,
we don’t deserve it and we keep doing things that make our situation worse, but
we still need to be convinced of the possibility of a miracle turn around. As
Judy Garland mournfully and illogically sings, “from now on, our troubles will
be miles away…” Though the world is cold and hard, the big city bitter and
cynical, miracles may sometimes happen on 34th Street.
So I say to
you, Merry Christmas, happy holidays. Make the yuletide gay. God bless us, each
and every one! I, for one, need a little Christmas now.
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